Meditations and trying.

Todays Globle news...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=W9K0mGwcdMc

I have been spending my morning seeing where the signs send me. I found my self listening to Benjamin Fulford. I speaks a lot of truth and very enlightening. I found myself falling back to sleep and engrossed in the TV and on-line catch ups. Now I have been on a paper trail and its making me wake up again.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G0Q-z8esk18&feature=related

I needed prospective and they send me videos and sites of interest
I know what has to be done and some of it is a bit daunting. I have real problems meditating, there is so much chatter. I have lay down or sat up for hours and my mind does not stop. I have tried so many ways. I give up and go back and still I come away frustrated. Its a cycle I can not break. I try too hard I know this and knowing still does not help. I can and have done guided meditations. But these where in circle or on a one to one.
I suffer from DID and unless I interact I have nothing going on in my head of any interest daily...lol
When meditating I hear
'Try it this way'
'Try it that'
'No its not working'
'Your no good at this never will be'
'I need to have you all stop chatting and let me try'
'This is a complete waste of time'
'I'll do pie and mash for dinner'
'I have things I need to be doing on the pc'
'How long do you think we have left'
'I want to see a white light'
'My back hurts'
I'll do minted peas'
'You must be doing it wrong'
'Shhhh I want to connect to the conciousness'
I'm going to be a Grandma'
'Mash or new potatoes'
'My eyes keep opening'

I have tried with eye masks and ear plugs. I have used a ski mask blacked out so when my eyes start to open its still black. Head phones listening to al sorts of either music or meditations.

Its none stop and they are all having their own conversions.

I ask my guides for a friend who's on the same page as me and do meditations together. I have tried on line with some people but it doesn't work with my voices.
I get scared sometimes as I know some thing is coming and I need to be able to be at the right vibration. I know it will happen and all I can to is hope I will find it or with my 'Will, Faith, intent and belief' alone I will end up in the right place when all said and done.

I have got and extension lead for my head phones, made a bed and arranged crystals in a line over my body (on a bamboo cane) and each lines up with a chakra.

I going to try this way as its been shown to me. I will just lay there and let them chat. I will listen to some sounds that help with my brain waves and let the whole thing do it for me.....lol
I will wander and back track. I will ramble and speak no sense. This is why I have never done a diary before.