At the end of July of last year, I wrote about my family harassing me through private investigators. I ended up sending my parents a letter where I very clearly told them that I don't want them in my life and to leave me alone. One year later and they still haven't gotten the message. My worst nightmare has come true.
Let me backtrack a little. I'm an abuse survivor. I believe Spirit was watching over me when I made the decision to cut ties with them at the age of 32. I had to do it in an ugly way because these are not normal people. I couldn't have gone to them and said, "I need my space right now, so I'm going to move across the country and live on my own for a while. Please respect me as a human being and give me my space." They would have forced themselves on me, and I wasn't emotionally strong enough to resist their interference and control.
I left in a secret kind of way and have remained hidden from them for 10 years. I'm now 42 years old, and yesterday, a messenger came with a letter from my mother and sister. They're at a local hotel. They want to meet me. In other words, they completely ignored my very clear letter a year ago where I said I don't ever want to see them again.
My mother's letter was disgusting. It was full of guilt and manipulation. She wrote to me as if I were a sniveling child who resents her for innocent past mistakes, which is totally wrong. I'm over the past. It's the present and future I'm trying to protect from abuse!
It was exactly the kind of letter I'd expect her to write. Everything my family has done in the past 10 years to try to force themselves into my life has been predictable. I know they haven't changed, despite my mother's claims in her letter to the contrary, as in "10 years of suffering have really changed me." These are her exact words! I doubt she or my father ever will change. I'm convinced they have serious psychological problems that only long-term intensive therapy could make a dent in, and a small dent at that!
They're going to be here a week. I can't quite bring myself not to contact them, although I have no desire or intention of seeing them. I've written a letter explaining my point of view, though I know it's in vain. They know where I live, though, and I see no reason why they shouldn't just show up at my door and try to force themselves on me. My mother said she'd leave the decision to meet up to me, but I don't believe her. This isn't a normal woman, and neither her nor my sister have high enough values not to do something they really want to do just because it violates another person's basic human rights (especially if that person is another family member).
I will always be healing from the effects of childhood abuse, and I'm convinced that it can only happen without their destructive energy in my life. Even though I know I'm stronger now and can resist their constant interference and pathological desire to control every aspect of my life, I don't want to be fighting a constant battle. I can't do that to myself just for the sake of "family" and soothing their pathological needs.
I'm tired of this. I just want them to leave me in peace. That's the only thing I want from them.
Thanks for reading. Just had to share my grief right now. :-(