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The Laughing Zebra

Laugh Dammit...You'll feel better

Members: 36
Latest Activity: on Saturday

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M A R T I A L A R T S

Started by Linda M.. Last reply by Carmen Elsa Irarragorri Wyland on Saturday. 1 Reply

M A R T I A L A R T S- Learn Ancient Asian Techniques - Develop Impressive Skills - Learn the Art of Control - Build Self-Confidence - Protect Yourself - Train with exotic Implements - Achieve your…Continue

How On Earth Did You Get Her to Do That, Pal?

Started by Carmen Elsa Irarragorri Wyland. Last reply by Linda M. on Saturday. 1 Reply

Three old men are discussing their sex lives. The Italian man says, "Last week, my wife and I had great sex. I rubbed her body all over with olive oil, we made passionate love, and she screamed for 5…Continue

You Have to Know What You're Entitled to With Us...

Started by Carmen Elsa Irarragorri Wyland. Last reply by Linda M. on Saturday. 1 Reply

Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center where he was to advise new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance.  It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed…Continue

How Many Times Must You "Fall"?

Started by Carmen Elsa Irarragorri Wyland. Last reply by Lara Jun 9. 1 Reply

There was this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll…Continue

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Comment by Linda M. on Saturday

If you can make a fist, you can figure out if the time is right to be digging around your garden.

Robin Potter, a Pennsylvania Horticultural Society lecturer, said soil needs to be warm to be worked, and the easiest way to determine that is to just grab a handful of it.

Then, make a fist, she said.

If the tube of soil that formed in your hand falls apart when you unclench your fist, the ground is warm. If the soil stays together and you can see your fingerprints in it, it's too cool to be worked.

Sally McCabe, the horticultural society's community education project manager, has a simpler - and far funnier - method for vegetable gardeners. It's just a little, well, shocking.

Tomatoes, she said, really shouldn't go into the ground until the soil is warm. So drop your pants and sit on the ground. If it's not cold enough to make you scream, it's warm enough to plant your tomatoes...

Comment by Linda M. on Saturday

Lara, I love all of these.....

Comment by Lara on June 16, 2017 at 9:59am

THE GENIE

This ol' boy was walking along the beach when he comes across a magic lamp.
He rubs it and out pops a Genie. "Wow", he says, "I get three wishes". "No you don't," replies the Genie, "I was asleep and didn't want to come out. You only get one."
So the ol' boys thinks a bit and tells the Genie, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm afraid to fly and ships are too big. I want to drive there. Build me a bridge".
The Genie thinks for a few minutes, does some calculations, and finally tells the ol' boy that a bridge would take too much power. All the timber and asphalt, etc., he just can't pull that much material since Genies have to work with natural resources.
The ol' boy thinks a minute and says, "OK, then, the other night me and my girlfriend got into a fight, and for the life of me I can't understand why. I want to be able to understand women."
Without hesitation, the Genies asks, "How many lanes you want on that bridge?"

Comment by Lara on June 16, 2017 at 9:56am

THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE

There is no egg in the eggplant - No ham in the hamburger - And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple - English muffins were not invented in England - French fries were not invented in France. We sometimes take English for granted but if we examine its paradoxes we find:- that Quicksand takes you down slowly - Boxing rings are square - And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. If writers write, how come fingers don't fing. If the plural of tooth is teeth shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth If the teacher taught, why didn't the preacher praught. If a vegetarian eats vegetables why don't humanitarians eat human!? Why do people recite at a play yet play at a recital? Park on driveways and drive on parkways? How can the weather be as hot as hell on one day and as cold as hell on another? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language:- whereby a house can burn up as it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out. A bell is only heard once it goes!
English was invented by people, not computers and it reflects the creativity of the human race (Which of course isn't a race at all)

Comment by Lara on June 16, 2017 at 9:43am

BUMPER STICKERS

* Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.
* We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?
* He who laughs last thinks slowest.
* Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
* Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
* I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
* All men are idiots, and I married their King.
* Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
* Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
* OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?
* Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.
* I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
* Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.
* Time is the best teacher, unfortunately it kills all of its students.
* Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.
* Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
* Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
* We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
* Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
* There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
* Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?
* Keep honking...I'm reloading
*Dain bramaged.
*Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyway
*Body by Nautilus; brain by Mattel
*Boldly going nowhere
*CAUTION - Driver legally blonde!
*He's not dead, He's electroencephalographically challenged
*How many roads must a man travel down before he admits he is lost?
*I'm an imbecile and I vote
*Money Isn't Everything... But it Sure Keeps the Kids In Touch
*WARNING! Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition
*If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!
*Your gene pool needs a little chlorine.
*You are depriving some poor village of its IDIOT
*Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.
*Grow your own dope, plant a man
*All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets
*I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
*Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
*The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
*IRS We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
*Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.
*Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
*Be nice to your kids...They will pick out your nursing home.
*Always remember you're unique...Just like everyone else.

Comment by Minque Paw on June 12, 2017 at 4:51pm

Comment by Minque Paw on June 12, 2017 at 4:49pm

Comment by Minque Paw on June 12, 2017 at 4:48pm

Comment by Carmen Elsa Irarragorri Wyland on June 9, 2017 at 3:55pm

I love those, Minque!

Comment by Minque Paw on June 9, 2017 at 3:35pm

 

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~~this months awareness~~

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