Temple Illuminatus


The Laughing Zebra

Laugh Dammit...You'll feel better

Members: 36
Latest Activity: on Friday

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Discussion Forum

The Stella Awards

Started by Linda M. on Friday. 0 Replies

It's time again for the annual "Stella Awards"! For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the…Continue

Marriage One-Liners

Started by Linda M. Apr 7. 0 Replies

Marriage one-linersThe best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it. (Ann Bancroft)I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for…Continue

New Soap?

Started by Linda M.. Last reply by Helela Mar 29. 1 Reply

A mother thought her kids had given her soap as a present. But when she lathered up with it the next day, she got a huge surprise.Not everything is as it seems.One mother found this out the hard way…Continue

Middle School Girls and Their Love For Lipstick

Started by Carmen Elsa Irarragorri Wyland Mar 19. 0 Replies

A principal of a small middle-school had a problem with a few of the older girls starting to use lipstick. Though he was a rather stern disciplinarian and a bit of an old fuddy-duddy, he was not…Continue

Comment Wall


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Comment by Linda M. on Friday

Comment by Linda M. on Friday

Comment by Linda M. on April 14, 2017 at 5:04pm

~Well, it seems cops don't like it when you ask them "Hey, you need some help?" Especially when you're wearing a Batman costume.
~When people suck the life out of you, wouldn't it be nice if they took some fat too?
~Did you hear about the paranoid guy with the low self esteem? He thought nobody important was out to get him.
~Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then applying the wrong remedies.
~At what age does it change from pretending to lying?
~I have a Supreme Court figure, no appeal.
~Clearly, you are a person with an open mind. I can feel the breeze from here.
~Remember when Twitter was called graffiti?
~Wise people think all they say. Fools say all they think.
~I went to the doctor the other day and asked "have you got anything for wind?" He gave me a kite.
~I had a crazy dream that I weighed less then a thousandth of a gram. I was like 0mg!
~Adam came first, but then again, men always do.
~ the love between mimes is unspoken love.
~Youth is when we are always hunting for greener pastures, and middle age is when we barely mow the one we've got.

Comment by Linda M. on April 7, 2017 at 4:39pm

I was flying from San Francisco to Los Angeles. By the time we took off, there had been a 45-minute delay and everybody on board was ticked.

Unexpectedly, we stopped in Sacramento on the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be another 45-minute delay, and if we wanted to get off the aircraft, we would re-board in 30 minutes.

Everybody got off the plane except one gentleman who was blind. I noticed him as I walked by and could tell he had flown before because his Seeing Eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of him throughout the entire flight. I could also tell he had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached him and, calling him by name, said, "Keith, we're in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?"

Keith replied, "No thanks, but maybe my dog would like to stretch his legs."

Picture this: All the people in the gate area came to a completely quiet standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with the Seeing Eye dog! The pilot was even wearing sunglasses. People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, they also were trying to change airlines!

Comment by Linda M. on March 24, 2017 at 5:57pm

Comment by Linda M. on March 24, 2017 at 5:56pm

Comment by Linda M. on March 17, 2017 at 4:48pm

~My older brother just called me a moron. I'm going to kick his arse when I'm older then him.
~I'm fed up with my boss forcing me to stand on one leg every single day. big fan; Tomorrow I'm putting my foot down.
~Some guy knocked on my door and asked me if I've ever considered an alternative energy supplier. I said, 'no, I'm quite happy with food.
~I'm about to have a cup of dangerous coffee. Safe tea first.
~Windmills: big fan; big, big fan.
~My mate asked me if I wanted to play electric shock Monopoly. I jumped at the Chance.
~My wife laughed at me when I slipped on a banana skin. In my defense I didn't have a condom.
~I just read a list of 100 things to do before you die. I'm pretty sure, 'yell for help' wasn't one of them.
~Women bake cookies. Men delete them.
~My electrician mate accidentally blew the power to the ice cube factory next door. The company has gone into liquidation.
~My password is MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto, because it has to be at least four characters.

Comment by Carmen Elsa Irarragorri Wyland on March 3, 2017 at 7:30pm

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind
him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger,
fries and a coke," and turns to The ostrich, "What's yours?" "I'll have the
same," says the ostrich.


A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will
Be $9.40 please" The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact
change for payment.


The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man
Says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke." The ostrich says, "I'll have the
same." Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.


This becomes routine until the two enter again. "The usual?" asks
the waitress.


"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato
and a salad," says the man. "Same," says the ostrich.


Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be
$32.62." Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and
Places it on the table.


The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse
me, Sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your
pocket every time?"


"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic
and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me
two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I
would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would
always be there."


"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would ask for
a Million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for
as long as you live!"


"That's right..Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the
exact money is always there," says the man.


The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"


The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall
chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say.."

Comment by Linda M. on March 3, 2017 at 7:10pm

The caterer was consulting with a woman about throwing a birthday party for her 72-year-old husband.

"Is it a surprise?" the caterer asked.

"Oh, no," answered the woman. "My husband knows he's going to be 72.

Comment by Linda M. on March 3, 2017 at 7:10pm

Getting a haircut
Women's version:
Woman 1: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!
Woman 2: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?
Woman 1: Oh God no! No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.
Woman 2: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.
Woman 1: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line.
Woman 2: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms - see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.
Men's version:
Man 1: Haircut?
Man 2: Yeah.


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Blog Posts


Posted by Rosey on April 24, 2017 at 10:34am 0 Comments

We're Being Evicted

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Posted by elf ~Hesper Roald Witcher on April 21, 2017 at 6:19am 0 Comments

A Book Review

Posted by Zephonith Serpent Woman on April 11, 2017 at 12:39am 0 Comments


Posted by Rosey on April 9, 2017 at 6:59pm 2 Comments


Posted by Rosey on April 5, 2017 at 9:26am 0 Comments

~~this months awareness~~

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