I've been *told* I'm an empath, and in reading articles about empathic abilities, everything "rings true": being told I have a "thin skin", being overly sensitive, maybe even moody. I was pretty much an outcast as a kid, no one wanted me around, not even the adults. I learned to enjoy and accept the solitude, and whether that's the reason I now prefer it as an adult, I can't say - all I know is that I HATE crowds. I get anxious, shaky, overwhelmed, and then it takes me literally DAYS to re-center myself and feel normal again. Despite interaction being so wearing on me, I still crave it. It's like a double-edged sword.
There have been many instances where I'll be at home, alone, watching TV, and I'll suddenly feel an overwhelming sense of anxiety and sadness. As it turns out, these events seem to coincide with deaths of my son's friends, or my mother being admitted to the hospital, or something else of this nature. Once, I was at work when at about 10am I suddenly felt like I wanted to hide in the bathroom, curl into a ball and just sob. I had no idea why. When I got home from work that day, my sons greeted me at the door with the news a classmate of theirs had collapsed and died in gym class...at about 10am that morning. A day or so later, I was reading this boy's obituary and was stunned to discover that he was the son of my second cousin, someone I'd lost touch with.
Another time, I was watching TV at home while my then 17-year old son was out with friends. Suddenly, all I could think about was my son. Was he safe? Was he okay? Had something happened to him? In a panic, I began texting him, becoming more anxious as the minutes ticked by without a response. Eventually, he angrily texted back, asking me what my problem was. I was relieved he was safe, but the next day I learned that the brother of one of his friends had been killed in a car accident the night before - right around the same time my panic set in. Interestingly, this young man bore a striking resemblance to my son.
This seems to support the idea that I am sensitive; however, I recently joined a paranormal investigative group in my hometown and there are other people in the group who claim to be sensitive as well. Often, they seem to sense things (independent of one another), yet I don't pick up on it. It makes me doubt myself and wonder if I'm just being silly about this "empath thing". On the other hand, maybe it's just that I haven't figured out yet how to tap into my abilities and actually USE them.
I've tried meditating, but beyond this, I haven't the foggiest idea of how to go about strengthening my abilities - if I truly have them. How can I know? If I *am* empathic, how can I focus these abilities so as to maybe use them for the benefot of both myself and the people around me? If I *am* empathic, then I've been blessed with this ability for a reason, and it bothers me greatly not to know how to use it. I feel like I'm wasting a great gift. There's a part of me that believes that if only I could figure out how to use it, I could maybe help souls that might be trapped in our physical realm, or people who are grieving the loss of their loved one, etc.
Anyone have any ideas for me? I'm too broke right now to buy a book, or recorded class, or anything like that - others have suggested I enroll in an online course, buy this book or that one, or this audio thing or that one. I can't afford anything like that right now, but if you know of a good one, let me know anyway. I'll write it down and look into it when I do have money again.
I guess I'm still just trying to figure out whether I'm just imagining things, being silly, in need of psychiatric help, or just what. I took that "What Type of Empath Are You?" quiz and according to that, I'm a "Fallen Angel" empath. I'd forgotten I'd taken it before, but I remember getting that answer previously. I just don't know what that means, lol. Another quiz also told me I'm an "Unbound Empath". Again, don't know what it means. And yes, I do understand these are just internet quizzes and not a concrete, clinical diagnosis or whatever. But the bottom line is - I do believe I am an empath, and I further believe there's something I am meant to do with this gift...I just don't know how to use it, when to use it, or for what purpose, and it makes me really anxious not to know.
Random, but I love that little smiley face that you have next your name! lol
I think it's awesome that you joined a paranormal group! Try not to doubt yourself especially if you pick up something different. Trust those feelings and believe in them; they all have significance. Once you are fully confident with that and openly express what you feel, it'll make a lot more sense.
Hey don't forget your local library! You might be surprised the sorts of interesting books they have on the topic or can get on inter-library loan. Sensitivity and emapthicness manifest in as many ways as people who identify with those labels. You may be sensitive to specific things and not others. I do highly recommend looking into the Highly Sensitive Person phenomenon. That might fit you really well.
One thing I seem to be REALLY sensitive to is energy. I could always sense my son nearby, and it used to frustrate the kid to no end that he couldn't sneak up on me, no matter how quiet he tried to be. Only once was he able to, and that was because I was listening to my headphones and not paying attention.
On a recent paranormal investigation (apologies if you've already read this, I think I mentioned it in another thread), I sensed a high level of EMF from about 60 feet away. The other investigators went to the spot I was indicating and located a "fear cage" - a triangular formation of pipes in the rafters that was putting out a high reading...and I told them where it was with an accuracy of within a foot or two of where it was. That confirmed to me that maybe I really DO have some ability in that sense.
Another incident happened when I was only 5, and I believe I somehow used my ability to "track" the location of my mother's energy in order to find my way home. We were camping at a lake property of my father's friends, and because the lakeshore there was not good for swimming, the adults piled all us kids into two vehicles and drove us to a public lake access 5 miles away. Long story short, I got left behind at that lake access and somehow managed to find my way down the 5 miles of unfamiliar gravel roads back to where our trailer was. I had never been down those roads prior to the trip to the access, and what 5 year old pays attention to the route they're traveling when there are other kids in the car to fight with? I think I wanted so badly to be back with my mom that I tuned in to her energy and used it as a beacon to find my way.
I seem to be able to "read" animals as well. Just by looking into their eyes I can get a feeling for their personality and how they'll react to something...I can't communicate with them, per se, not as an animal communicator, but I seem to have a better understanding of them than most people. And when I worked for a vet, I used to try to guess what was wrong with an animal when it came in, before hearing any history or symptoms...pretty frighteningly often, I guessed correctly. That might just be luck, but I'd like to think it's something more.
Anyway, I tend to get long-winded, my apologies. It's just such a relief to be able to share these things with people who won't think I'm off-bubble or something.
I think this is the case. I just feel like I should be more of an active participant in it but I don't know how to do that...